I did not imagine my life as a divorced parent. I grew up watching my parents fall in love everyday. The kind of love, that has bad times, but their love out weighed all their trials and tribulations. My son was too young to even know his dad and I were getting a divorce. He never knew us as a “family.” As a mom, I knew there would be a time that his curiosity, and question would bombard me. We can all plan out how our life is going to be, but we never know for sure how it really will turn out. Divorce is one of the hardest mountains I have climbed in my life. Divorce, with children, well that is another type of hurt. As my son grew, he started to understand his family was not like others. Here are some tough questions I have faced while he has been growing up.
- Why did you and daddy get a divorce? This is a tough one, because I don’t want to bring my son in on adult problems. He is still too young to understand that, at times, people grow apart. I simply try to convince him that two people are sometimes meant to fall in love but not be together. I give him a chance to talk to see how he interpreted my comment. I always try to explain to him that it was best that his daddy and I just be friends. You can only explain so much to a child, and when they grow into an adult they will understand more.
- Do you still love my daddy? I honestly get this one more than any other question. When he first asked me it was like a gut shot with tears in my eyes. The confusion on a child’s face, when it comes to divorce, is hard to swallow. I simply tell him I will always love your daddy, and you want to know why? I love him because he gave me YOU. You, my son, are the best gift I have ever been given. As a parent, you should never bad mouth the other parent in front of the child. I do not care if you have to lie to them; you tell them how great of a person their parent is and how much each parent loveS that child. Regardless, your child loves each of you so it is not healthy for them to hear bad things about a parent.
- Will ya’ll ever get back together? I’m sure a divorce mom will/has heard this before. There are times, I use to get I wish ya’ll would be back together. Regardless of the question, I explain to my child that we have moved on and built a new life apart. Co-parenting is so hard, especially when each parent has different parental views. Your children need to see that two adults can muster up the ability to get along. They need to witness good co-parenting between each other. I simply explain to my child that his dad and I are such good friends and we will continue to raise you and love you.
There are no easy answers, to these questions, when it comes to divorce. As moms, we all need to know we are doing the best we can do. I am just thankful my son has both his parents who love him more than the world. As his mom, I want to give him best this world has to offer. He will always know I love him regardless of a divorce situation. He will always know it was not his fault, and that he is such a blessing to his Dad and I. Kids need reassurance, just like adults do. If you are struggling with divorce or co-parenting, hang in there. I am not saying it gets easier, but it will get better. The best advice I can give, as a divorce mom, do not make decisions out of anger; make decisions that will best suit your child. The child needs both parents, and the child needs time with each of you. A happy child is a healthy child.
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